Wow. Existentialism makes me think. It's basically the belief that instead of "I think, therefore, I am," we should say, "I am, therefore, I think." For there to be an idea of self, or 'I', we have to create it. I don't exist unless I believe that I do, and create myself.
An existentalist believes that we all create ourselves as individuals. It rather reminds me of Romantacism in that way. Remember, leaves don't exist, only each individual leaf. This means that there is no human nature, because we are all different. If it was naturally ingrained in us, we wouldn't be able to completely create ourselves. And if there is no human nature, then there can't be right and wrong, because we are all different. There can only be what each of us finds acceptable or unacceptable. There are no moral absolutes or meanings-- we each create our own meanings and rules for life. Really, anything goes.
Within the beliefs of existentalism, by the choices each of us makes, we show others what kind of a world we'd like to live in. Basically, we would all take the Golden Rule literally. As it is, most of us view the Golden Rule as "Do unto others as you OUGHT to want done to you." It elevates our desires to treat others well. But that's not what the Golden Rule says. It says, "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." That means, do to other people as they do to you. For example, if I throw rocks at people, I'm showing others that in my world, everyone would throw rocks at each other. Therefore, someone would be perfectly justified in throwing rocks at me, because that's what I was saying I wanted. I remember using this logic as a child towards my mother as an excuse for hitting my sister back, because I was "just following the Golden Rule." She hit me first, she obviously wanted to be hit, I hit her back. I just didn't want to get in trouble- little did I know that I was practicing existentalism!
Life is made of nothing but millions of miniscule choices mixed in with larger ones. There is no fate, nothing is forced. We have to deal with the choices of others as well as our own, but there is ALWAYS a choice. Always. Even if someone puts a gun to my head, I can still choose not to listen to them. No one can take away my power to choose, because I'm not a robot. This can be difficult to deal with because it makes us all responsible for everything good, as well as bad, that goes on in our life. All the choices I face today are the results of choices that I made in the past. No one else can be blamed for my circumstances.
I agree extremely with the idea of the anguish of choosing that goes with existentalism: we are completely and utterly alone in making choices. No matter how much people might want to help me, no matter how much advice I am given, no matter how confident I may be, I have to make all of my choices on my own. And when the moment of decision comes, I don't know if it is the right choice. It may become clear very quickly whether it was the right choice, or it might never become clear at all. And in that time when I don't know if I'm making the right choice or not, anguish is a very apt descriptive word.
The vast variety of choices that we have to make every day astounds me whenever I think about it. We choose constantly. There is NEVER a moment when I'm not making a choice. Some of them are more apparent to others, like choosing a college, getting into a relationship, or getting a job. But in between the big ones are millions and millions of smaller choices that lead to the bigger ones. We don't even think about them while we make them, but they do affect our lives and culminate in huge choices. I had been thinking about this even before we started talking about existentalism, because it's scary to me. I hate knowing that I might be making choices that will seriously make my life hell without even knowing it. Sure, I might be making the ones that lead to extreme happiness, but here's the thing- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO KNOW.
Example: During the first couple weeks of school, my roommate and I made the choice to hang out at the clocktower after dinner and sing songs. We did this because it was fun and we enjoyed it. We didn't do it every day, just sometimes. One Thursday night, we chose to. I didn't think about it, she didn't think about it, we just did it. Because of that simple little choice, I met a boy that I fell hard for and ended up dating very soon after. The relationship lasted less than a month, and I didn't deal with the breakup very well. I went into a spiral of depression. There was one guy who helped extremely much with encouragement and making me feel like it was going to be okay. In fact, he turned out to be way more awesome than the guy I originally fell for. The scary thing is, I would likely have never met him if it hadn't been for the dubious choice of dating the first guy, which resulted from the choice to sing at the clocktower. Even if I had met him, I probably wouldn't have liked him or gotten to know him, since I didn't like him the first couple of times that we met.
So, by choosing to sing at the clocktower on a Thursday night, I inadvertently chose to watch "The Big Bang Theory" into the early hours of the morning with an amazing guy two months later. We could take it even farther back. We could say that when the Housing people put Rian and I together for roommate's, they were choosing to let me have one of the best Friday nights ever. We could say that when the girl who was originally going to be my roommate chose to make other arrangements, she was choosing for me to be introduced to Leonard and Sheldon!
I get so overwhelmed thinking about stuff like this. It's not just my choices I have to deal with, it's also the choices of everyone around me! Lately, I haven't been able to stop thinking about the little choices that might be ruining my life, and I can't live like this all the time. I can't think that every time I choose to go to lunch five minutes later than I might have, I made a choice that results in me missing a once in a lifetime opportunity. Choosing between going on walk to the park or to the other side of campus should not be the most critical choice I make of the day, but I've been viewing it like that lately.
In short, existentalism is all about choices. I'm forced to agree with it, because it makes so much logical sense. Look at life- it's NOT planned. It's so unpredictable and it all depends on the miniscule choices that billions of people make everyday without stopping to consider the impact that they might have.
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